Ugh

I am glad Bin Laden is dead. Overjoyed actually, and I didnt even know it until now. I was sitting in my coffee shop this morning and opened up a news website. Of course the first picture was OBL. I instantly broke down and started crying. And it wasnt like my eyes got watery or somethething, Im talking full-blown had to go into the bathroom and regain my composure crying. (I felt like such a friggin little girl, it was crazy embarrassing)

I wasnt sure why even. Didnt even correlate the two until I got a hold of myself. Here is why I believe I felt such strong emotion-

Ever since the morning of September 11th, 2001 I've been busy. I honestly believe I've made a difference and had an impact on the recovery from September 11th. (Although i believe the word "recovery" in the case of 9/11 is relative. I don't think 9/11 will ever be recovered from. Nor ever be able to "get over it")

Although I am very grateful for the relationships, friendships, and experiences that I have had and that I have now, I hate that I have them because of 9/11. I have personally seen the devastation and the hurt that the cowardly act on that day incurred, and I hate it with every part of my being.

I have learned to hate humanity's sin nature, and in doing so I feel as though I started to hate humanity as a whole and began to feel critical of everyone (and critical of a lot of personal beliefs along the way). I hate that about me now, as this morning it seems to be all coming to light all at once.

Like i said previously, I have been very busy since 9/11. Even at the sake of my family and personal, non-FD relationships. I feel that the OBL death is NOT an end or a "closure" to 9/11, and I hardly feel that "justice has been done". I do believe however, that the death of OBL is a turning point in the healing process for those affected in any way by 9/11, directly or indirectly.

I think that ive been so busy since that day that maybe I havent had a chance to stop and feel the rose's thorns until now.

But there are still a lot of my brothers out there fighting for their lives, and most of them probably, no, most likely, will not win the fight. Most of them are not fighting for their lives as much as they are fighting for the security and welfare of their families after they are gone.

The way they are being treated by the very ones that they swore to protect (and I guarantee you-would still lay their lives down for without hesitation) angers and sickens me. The thing that most angers me is that the reason these people are being treated like this is because of nothing but sick, disgusting, dirty, bloody MONEY. Nothing else. There's your humanity for you.

So in summary, the war isnt over but yet one more battle has been won. How many more battles are there going to be though?

I'm tired and I'm NEVER going to be able to stand by and do nothing.

I just wish things were like they were before 9/11. I think. I barely remember how it was anymore.

I just wonder whats next... Do I even want to know?